Hungarians are simply afraid of you

I am a Hungarian guy who studied abroad, worked with foreigners in Hungary for many years, and has been leaving in London for seven years. Have had local and foreign friends abroad and home, had American, Romanian and Danish and of course Hungarian girlfriends. I think I understand the full picture of the issue from every aspect.

First of all:

- In general Hungarians absolutely (would) love to make friends with foreigners. They are really proud of having foreign friends if they succeed. There is virtually ZERO xenophobia in Hungary. They have got some issues with a couple of neighbouring countries, but it hardly ever comes across in individual, one-to-one situations. You can see significantly more of this issue in the US, UK, GER, FRA, SPA, SWI, etc. etc.

- The language is a key barrier. No doubt, it is as difficult for a Hungarian to learn a foreign language as the other way around. So a lot of Hungarian people do not speak languages that well. And Hungarians do feel very uncomfortable with a situation when they experience that they are not on the same level as the other person who they speak with, if they do not understand the jokes, if they are not able to be themselves, and feel they come across as more boring persons, so they rather avoid these situations. So they are seen as unfriendly.

- I think the above mentioned issue completely disappear if a foreigner and a Hungarian can speak on equal terms (i.e. use a language which they speak on a same level), or if the Hungarian is allowed to be the “superior” (i.e. speak Hungarian) in these conversations. That’s the time where real personality can come across, and real friendship is made. When I lived in foreign countries, I always found much easier to make friends with other foreigners than with the locals for the same reason

- Undoubtedly there might be a little element of lack of trust in some Hungarian people. It has historic reasons (think about the past, they could not trust even each other). You need just a little more time to break it. I do not think it is very serious though.

So my advice:

- You should take the first step, and approach people. You need to understand the anxiety in them
- Try to create equal terms. Don’t use your mother tongue if possible.
- If you make an effort, and learn Hungarian, you open thousands of doors.

And a few last remarks.

I have seen lively, noisy, funny Americans and Brits to turn into quiet shaking fishes, when someone suggested, OK let’s speak Spanish or German from now on. All of a sudden they were not in the centre of the attention; they were not so funny and friendly anymore.

I don’t know how many British friends would a foreigner make in the UK if he or she would refuse using English, and would expect the locals to approach him/her and speak his/her language. And whose fault would that be? Or are you saying it is different? Think again…

Sprzerka 30 Jun 2009, 04:03 - Report