Hi Yanks

I speak both Languages but am English and work as a tour guide in the UK.

If I take an American to my home which is 270 years old and has thatched roof he will be over the moon for joy. He will see the history in it, feel the heritage of it and will extoll it to the moon. Often in an over enthusiastic but likable way he will say, 'Hey Duuude, this place F'ing amaaaazing. I love it I want to buy it.' When I see him off at the airport there will be another round of praise in general about the country and he will shove a huge big tip into my hand and promise to send the rest of USA to be guided by me. I know a lot of it is just gush but at least we both came away from the experience friends.

When a German walks into my home and there have been just as many as there have been Yanks, he typically begins to compare the quality of my house with his.(which is normally an appartment and built since the end of the war). He says things like, Dieses und Jenes Kommt nich nach deutschen Vorschriften ( this and that is not compatible with German standards) or Bei uns in Deutschland wird es so gemaacht ( At home in Germany we do it like this). Normally its a reference to my hundred year old windows, the heavy curtains, the narrowness of the road through the village, the bad food in the towns, the fat girls everywhere, the uneven garden with too many flowers and of course some of our cities and towns are dirty.
I have to add, dear American friends, that contrary to what you may think about your experience having something to do with a language barrier, that in fact if they know you can speak German they get a whole lot ruder about everybody and everything they don't understand or feel threantened by. German standards today were forged through tyranny i.e you don't need consensus to bulldoze straight roads through a village when Attila, Bismark, Hitler or Honekar is your Daddy and of course in a 600 hundred year old democracy with the Magna Carta (first human rights document)you do. After so many devasting conflicts Germany invariably gets a new chance to rebuilt everything from Scratch. And therein lies the nub of the problem. There country is somehow devoid of character that you would find in the UK, France or Italy and paradoxically for a country that is as new and modern as the states in many ways, has failed to find the laters rythem and vibrancy.

Just in case there are any Germans reading this; remember the next time you accuse other nations of dirty streets I sugest you take one long hard look at your graffity covered walls the worst in the world, the dog pooh on the pavements, second only to France and there is a fair share of normal litter around and about too. You see when all you do is harp on about how wonderful you are, people will travel to your place to find out if its true and too their dismay they will see that you trains get delayed too!! Another thing American and Brits write about our problems at length (very boring I know) but you guys gloss over yours or simply report on the problems of other countries by translating articles directly from the foreign press. i.e no actual research of you own.

About German Women: Most tourists go to Tourist Towns which are more often than not University towns with a high number of young pretty girls.
Cambridge and Oxford as I am sure Harvard and Yale do, has many lovely ladies.

Oh! and one fact: The UK only overtook Germany last year as Europe's most obese nation. But then 17 mil. have starved Eastern Germans reduced their average somewhat!

Enough of the rant. Dear Yanky vistors to Germany go and enjoy as you always do your time abroad. I reccommend Dresden, Freiburg in Breisigau, Scherin and Heidleburg. Drink the lager and the Schnitzel and bauernfruestueck is great filler. Don't learn German and don't let them get you down. They secretly yearn for Tyranny and you want liberty. We will never understand them and nor them us.

Fair ye well

Blimey 29 Май 2008, 04:54 - Report